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If you enjoy this article and find it helpful, please consider donating $2 towards our work--every little bit helps!We’ve all been there–a friendship or relationship ends so badly that we feel the scars deeper than any physical injury. When someone we trust has hurt or betrayed us, it can be hard to let go particularly when that person was the one completely wrong in their actions.
It has been said time and time again, by professionals and observers alike, attitude can affect your state of mind. This is even truer when it comes to your mental illness.
Negative thinking can make it harder to pull ahead.
We often forget negative thinking isn’t just about being a pessimist. Negativity comes in the form of thoughts, feelings and emotions that are not positive and do not create positive feelings.
If you’re anything like me, forgiveness towards someone who has hurt you is a concept you struggle with. You feel as if forgiving them means saying what they did was okay, as if you’re somehow saying they weren’t wrong. The pain you are feeling, the hurt you feel has to magically go away.
Forgiveness is an important part of your recovery and of keeping a healthy mental state.
The ability to move on from a hurt has a freeing effect on your mind.
Pain, hurt, anger, sadness–these things can hold you back. The longer you hold onto them, the more they turn from the feelings they started as into bitterness. They will begin to dig deeper wounds and deeper holes, which means they’ll take longer to heal.
So, how do you forgive when the pain is still strong, and you’re not sure you’re ready to move on? Getting to this point isn’t easy. Sometimes it can take days, and sometimes it takes years.
One of the first steps is trying to determine what exactly is holding you back. For me, it was the realization all the feelings I had in response to what was done to me had never been properly expressed.
I had ranted about it at times, I had even complained about the injustices. But, I never had the opportunity to express how it made me feel. I didn’t get the chance to share how what this ‘friend’ did to me did more than just hurt my feelings–it shattered my entire perception of myself.
It took almost a year for me to fully identify what those feelings were.
But, then came the question, how do I let them go?
That can be different for everyone. Some may be content to write a letter that will never be sent, or to send the letter to the person. Others require an actual conversation.
Depending on what it is you’re holding onto, it may even require therapy. Sometimes, it’s a combination of solutions.
Be willing to explore different ones. Often, we get this idea instilled in us that forgiveness can simply be wished into being. This is very rarely true.
Much like any healing process, it takes time.
It can often mean trial and error in what works and doesn’t work.
Regardless of what ends up working for you, make the decision to pursue forgiveness. No matter the circumstance which led to the hurt, you should never allow yourself to be defined by what someone has done to you.
Tabitha
Tabitha has a degree in journalism, is an avid blogger, and is passionate about mental health awareness, faith, and feminism. She is a happily married, a mother of three furbabies, and a survivor of/warrior against BiPolar II Disorder, anxiety, and PCOS. She is a hardcore geek, Disnerd, and loves listening to music, writing and creating things. She hopes to be a voice of hope, showing others their illnesses do not define them.
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