Eating Disorders: You Can Recover!

Eating Disorders are illnesses that destroy us from within, but it is possible to break free. In fact, we have every right to reclaim our lives through recovery.

Have you ever said those three words to yourself: I can recover?

Perhaps, but have you actually believed in them? For many, recovery seems like a hopeless project. How to believe in change when the urges to restrict, binge or purge is so strong and so real? It feels like we have no choice but to engage in these types of behaviour and that they’re an essential part of our identity. With time we forget what it was like to live. In the end, all we know is the disorder.

Does this have to be a permanent situation? No. My mind was convinced this was true, but recovery has proven me wrong. You – the one who reads these words – are more than your eating disorder.

You are not an eating disorder at all.

This is the main reason why recovery is possible, and why I know you can win this war. You are a soul with a certain personality, interests and preferences. This person lies underneath the layers of disordered thoughts and behaviours. ED has the power to make its victims feel trapped and lose a sense of their true self. Not only will recovery help to gradually create an understanding of yourself as separate from the illness; you will also experience that you can break free from fears and boundaries. The sense of self is a mighty weapon against the destructive urges, and with time it will work to motivate you to break free.

You’ll discover that you do want to live, just not like this. Not like a slave of ED.

Recovery is an abstract concept; in the midst of darkness, the thought of change can seem overwhelming and threatening. We’ve been fooled into believing we need the eating disorder. What for? Find a piece of paper and try to define what the disordered behaviour gives and means to you. For me, it created a distance between me and the world, almost like pushing the pause button on life. I didn’t have to confront the experiences that played its part in the development of anorexia because restriction allowed me to numb my emotions. Starving made my mind blind to reality, unable to interpret my own actions from a rational perspective. Obsessive exercise made me feel good, confident and in control.

The reality is that there is no victory in destroying yourself.

You are not good because you can skip a meal. You are not in control because you can run for hours without sufficient nutrition. All there is is human suffering. I’m sure ED is kicking in the back of your mind, urging you to see my words as lies. Who am I to say these things, what do I know? Well, I know because I’ve been in the darkness and I’ve been through several of the challenges the way back to life involves. What I’ve learned is that there are other ways to cope and to express yourself. Your voice is important, and there are people who want to listen to you. People who do not want to crush you like ED does. You do not have to punish yourself in order to feel “in control”.

What I’ve learned the last seven years is that recovery is brutal and touches on every aspect of our existence here on earth. To recover is not only to learn how to eat. It is to learn how to live. A hard battle, but hard is not the same as impossible.

A first step is admitting to yourself that something is not quite right. Open up to the whisper in the back of your mind, the one desperately trying to tell you that this is not really how you want to live. It is scary to hear it because ED has become fundamental to our life. But when you open up to it, you’ve started on your process back to life.

“I am not strong enough”, you might think, “I do not have «what it takes» to change.”  The tendency to look at oneself as too weak to break free is widespread among sufferers from ED. What I would like you to know is that you are not weak, and this fact is another reason why you can recover.

It takes strength to obey the rigid rules Eating Disorders impose on our lives, and it is the exact same strength that will help you out of the darkness.

The challenge is to redirect our willpower and strength, to use them to nourish ourselves – not feed the enemy within, from abusing food to using food to heal. This change does not feel good, but it does good. Food is medicine. We’ve all heard it. And we all shrug it off when we’re blinded by ED. You need to experience it before you can believe in the profound effect of food. Allow yourself time; the ambivalence we feel when faced with food does not magically disappear overnight. Disordered eating patterns are our way to handle whatever life throws our way, but at what cost? We risk our lives when we try to communicate through food.

The last thing I want to tell you is that you do not have to suffer alone. There are people who can help you – both professionals and your loved ones. Trust the hands reaching out to you. The Internet can be a source of inspiration, but surf with caution. Avoid blogs that trigger, and never compare yourself with others. YOU ARE YOU. A beautiful human being with individual needs.

So, my message: You are not ED. You are someone very strong, and you are not alone. Recovery is possible – an insight shared by millions of people all over the world.