Community Stories

Candice’s Story: Free From the Opinions of Others

The opinions of others no longer determine how I feel about myself.

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What are you free from?

I am free from the opinions of others.

What does ‘freedom’ mean to you?

Freedom means having the ability to just be me without constantly worrying about what others may say or what they may think about me.

Share a bit of your story with us:

During my high school years, I was bullied for a few years. It played a tremendous role on how I began to feel about myself.

Once I regained a bit of confidence and found a new friendship group, I started to feel more pressure to ensure that I did everything in my power to ensure that it never happened again.

This meant that I was so focused on pleasing people and being the best friend and daughter that I could be. Aside from the pressures of school, I was continuously being compared to other people by family members.

It seemed that no matter what I did, I didn’t feel good enough.

My efforts at school were compared to others people’s academic efforts, which made me feel less than and not ‘smart’ enough.

Over time, I started to find my voice.

I began to speak up about the things I did not like, and over time, the comments comparing myself to others subsided.

Once I moved to university, I began to focus on myself. A couple of years passed by and I decided that I needed to face my issues head-on instead of running from them; therefore, I turned to therapy.

Therapy taught me that I need to unlearn things and learn healthy coping mechanisms. Now, I am happy to say that I am proud of myself and how far I have come in this ongoing journey of healing.

The opinions of others no longer determine how I feel about myself.

How would you compare your life before finding freedom from “the opinions of others” to your life after?

Before finding freedom, I would describe my life as a life living to please others.

Although I do enjoy helping other people as I believe it is my passion, I left little room for myself.

I put my needs on the back burner and it started to have an impact on my mental wellbeing. I was unhappy as I felt as if no matter what I did, I could not please everyone all the time, which is a fact.

Now, I feel more content with who I am as a person. I am resilient and I know that life is too short to be pondering over whether people like me for who I am.

I like me for who I am, which is the most important thing.

What message do you have for others who can relate?

Whatever you are going through, I do hope you find a light in your current situation.

Look inwards first. Be kind to yourself. Practice self-care as often as you can. Put your needs first!

Things will change. What you are feeling is temporary. Continue to work on yourself.

Repeat affirmations every day, journal, speak to your loved ones if you can, and please seek help if you are able to.

Candice

My name is Candice. I am 25 years old, and I live in London, England. I started a mental health blog a couple of years ago as a way to vent and discuss topics that were not addressed in my Caribbean household growing up. I have experienced symptoms of anxiety and depression for several years and recently, completed several sessions of cognitive behavioural therapy. I hope to provide a space for people to know more about how they too can cope with their mental wellbeing and get the help they may need. Fast forward to this year; I morphed my mental health blog to a personal development blog. I decided to focus on personal development as I am consistently looking for ways to grow in every way. Furthermore, I aim to provide advice for those who wish to become a better version of themselves. By no means am I an expert in this field, but through my studies of psychological therapies, I hope to advise readers along with a bit of my personal story.


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