It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking introspection and self-analysis is the path to mental health. It took time for me to learn that my search for purpose and value was fruitless because it was limited to myself.
We are constantly bombarded with phrases like “Believe in yourself!” and “You can do anything!” It makes me think of the time I was trying to get one of buddies to take a turn at the wheel on a road trip. He had never driven stick before, and didn’t feel comfortable learning on the highway. “Come on, Brandon! You can do it! It’s easy you’ll be fine!” I exclaimed. Finally, after dryly declining several times, he laughed and said, “Josh, it doesn’t work like that. I don’t have the skill set.” I couldn’t really argue with him.
Even if he really wanted to, no matter how much Brandon believed in himself, his first time driving a stick shift probably wouldn’t go smoothly.
The fact is, I know I can’t do absolutely anything.
Oftentimes, I don’t believe in myself because I’m fallible and imperfect like every human being that has ever lived. That shouldn’t be depressing, it should take the pressure off!
If we acknowledge that failure is inevitable at some point, we no longer have to be afraid of failing.
Brandon knew and expected he wouldn’t be very good driving my car at first, and Brandon is one of the most confident people I know. Knowing and understanding our limitations is no reason to be depressed. It’s so important to always be learning and trying new things because getting comfortable will failure is crucial.
For myself, learning a new instrument (or getting better at the one I play), writing, and reading are crucial to taking the focus off of my perceived shortcomings and putting them on my improvements.
No matter if it’s your job or a hobby, we always need to be focusing on our own progress.
If not, we will always fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others. There will always be someone better than you and there will always be someone worse. If we instead focus on on our personal improvements and building relationships, we will foster a healthy self image.
Recognizing that we can’t “do anything” means we stop setting the bar so unrealistically high that we inevitably fall short.
We often have unrealistic perceptions of the people we look up to. We think of them as being “naturally talented” or having everything given to them because that’s all we see. We don’t see or know about the hard work they have put into what they do or the countless failures they have endured. We don’t see their insecurities, only the fruits of the hard work they have done and successful risks they have taken.
When we act like they are born into privilege and we can’t possibly do the same, we cheat ourselves into thinking we are less than we are, and we fool ourselves into thinking worldly success means fulfillment.
Periods of self-reflection are cathartic, and when we tale the step to talk about change we often trick ourselves into thinking we have completed the work.
But getting healthy mentally is as much a process as getting healthy physically.
It also involves far more than talking about lifestyle change. It means we have to make an effort every day to take the focus off ourselves and focus on things that bring us joy and bring us into communion with others.
If we can learn to be okay with failure, it becomes easier to discover what we excel at and what fulfills us.
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