A New Approach to New Year’s Resolutions

Originally published January 17, 2020. Updated January 5, 2024.

Content Warning: overwhelm, toxic positivity

It’s the time of year when every second person is thinking about making their New Year’s resolution.

Even though wanting to improve ourselves is a great goal, the unfortunate truth is many of us don’t succeed at making long-term changes, especially regarding our New Year’s resolutions.

This isn’t because we don’t want to change, though. Instead, it’s often due to things like:

• Setting unrealistic expectations
• Wanting to make changes for the wrong reasons
• Taking a cognitive dissonance approach to constructive criticism
• Not focusing on the things that are within our control

These are some of the things that may prevent us from making real changes in our lives.

5 Tips for Making New Year’s Resolutions that Stick

If you want to make New Year’s resolutions that stick, keep the following five tips in mind:

1. Don’t fall for the “New Year, New You” nonsense.

Around this time of year, you often hear the phrase “new you.” We need to remember experiences make up who we are, whether those experiences are good, bad, or ugly.

A healthier approach to New Year’s resolutions is acknowledging and practicing self-acceptance around the areas in your life that need improvement. 

The “new year, new you” mindset feels like avoidance.

When you practice self-acceptance and acknowledge your role in your life, it gives you a more realistic sense of self and a better understanding of your strengths and weaknesses.

Here are a few tips to keep in mind:

• Stop ignoring the things that make you uncomfortable
• Practice self-care and self-compassion
• Practice healthy self-talk
• Don’t just talk about making change; make an actual plan to make change

2. Remember, long-term change is about making realistic habits that stick.

When making changes, remember it’s about training for a marathon, not a 100-meter dash.

New Year’s Resolutions that revolve around quick-fix approaches to things can be counterproductive and may not work. 

Try to keep the S.M.A.R.T. approach in mind. New Year’s goals should be:

• Specific
• Measurable
• Achievable
• Realistic
• Timely

3. Avoid the “Toxic Positivity” approach to change.

People throw around the phrase positivity a lot like they’re playing a metaphorical game of hot potato.

The truth is some of the ways positivity is approached can be unhealthy (think: “toxic positivity”).

The “Toxic Positivity” approach has you spend more time developing avoidance skills than learning coping skills.

This can leave a person feeling overwhelmed and frustrated about the things they want to overcome in their life.

Here are a few things to remember:

• Instead of focusing on the positive or negative, focus on what works and ignore what doesn’t.
• Keep in mind that there is a difference between destructive and constructive criticism. Try focusing on the constructive and ignoring the destructive.
• Seek help from a qualified therapist if you think it could be beneficial.
• Gain an understanding of how your self-talk can play a role in accomplishing your goals.

4. Beware of “gurus.”

While some may have helpful things to say, there are also many health and wellness “gurus” are are unqualified and are just trying to cash in on others’ struggles.

Rather than seeking support or advice from unqualified sources, seek out professionals with credentials such as dieticians, psychiatrists, physicians, and clinical counsellors.

Avoid overpriced products, courses, and supplements (that are often unregulated), and, instead, stick with products and methods that are backed by science.

5. Base your improvements on your own progress, not anyone else’s.

I know how frustrating it can be when you are trying your best to improve your life. It feels like the whole process is an uphill battle.

I want you to remember the following things when you compare your own progress to others’:

• Progress is progress, whether you are taking small steps or giant leaps.
• Falling back on old habits or behaviour is normal. It’s a matter of if not when. It’s important not to view setbacks as a failure; view them as lessons instead.
• Practice resilience and perseverance, and don’t base your progress on the progress of others.

Related: Resolutions vs Goals: Progress vs Perfection

Closing Thoughts

Making changes can be a great learning experience. Change can teach us so much about ourselves, such as our strengths and weaknesses.

Often when you break down the things you want to improve on, you end up feeling less overwhelmed, which leads to more positive results.

Remember, don’t just focus on the end goal of your New Year’s resolutions; celebrate your little wins and big wins, too!