Be a “Yes” to Yourself

How many times have you “stopped to smell the roses” today? How many times have you simply taken a minute to breathe, be aware, and be mindful of what you need in an exact moment of time? How many times have you shown yourself love?

Giving, volunteering, serving, and helping others are all important things to incorporate into one’s life and schedule, but what if in the process you end up neglecting and underserving the most important person in your life – yourself?

For those of us in recovery, overcommitting can be a very easy habit and distraction to get into.

Not only can packing a schedule full to the brim provide distraction against the stressors of a disease or hardship, but it can allow one to find comfort in the belief of being perfect, having it all together, and being strong enough to single-handedly conquer the world. On the outside, it appears as if everything is fine. In fact, it may almost resemble perfection, but underneath there is a fervent fire of fatigue, inadequacy, stress, and helplessness.

Sometimes saying no, or what I like to call “being a yes to yourself” is exactly what you need.

“Being a yes” is a common omen prescribed and used in Yoga. The first time I was told to “be a yes” I rationalized it as accepting, agreeing, and being open to every request, demand, opportunity, or chance to excel, push harder, and explore new horizons. By doing so, I became so overcommitted that not only was I unable to “be a yes” to every endeavor I had taken on, due to mere lack of time, energy, and resources, but I was unable to “be a yes” to myself. It was at this point I began to redefine and rediscover what “being a yes” truly means.

After doing some research on the emergent leader and yoga guru of the “yes” philosophy, Baron Baptiste, I learned that “being a yes” means to be open to everything or anything your body may need in a given moment, which includes being open to “no.”

It is about understanding when you need to back off, push further, ride the bench, or simply take a pass. It is about finding harmony with your internal needs and the external needs of the world, and thus fostering true inner peace, freedom, solitude, and well-being.

However, Baptiste does not affirm this state of mind is easily achieved.

Simply repeating a mantra for a few days cannot erase the persistence and harm of years of unhealthy habits, obsessions, requirements, and overcommitments overnight, but it can eventually be achieved with continual trust and belief. This is why every morning when I wake up, or whenever I am fearful of saying “no,” “enough,” or “maybe next time,” I tell myself I am choosing to “be a yes.”

The best part about “being a yes” to yourself is you end up “being a yes” to everyone around you in the process. By being able to participate, engage, serve, and volunteer in a moderate way, you will have more tact, efficiency, creativity, energy, and heart to pour into whatever opportunity you decide to tackle.

The best way to learn how to become a “yes” to yourself is to practice. This past week, I had a huge chance to really test my limits and challenge myself to listen to my body, slow down, and simply take a rest. I had the opportunity to go to Honolulu, Hawaii for five days to present research at an academic conference with a fellow colleague. Although two of the days I was working and required to attend the conference, the rest of the time had the leisure to simply enjoy the sites, beauty, nature, and people of the island. My first initial reaction to this adventure was one of great ambivalence. Sure I was thrilled to have the honor of presenting my research, but it was also five days away from my obligations and duties at home. I quickly became worried about whether or not I was going to fall behind, or end up neglecting other important areas of my life, such as academics and work.

However, by remembering my mantra of “being a yes” to myself, I was able to take a step back and let myself savor the experience for everything it could possible offer. Rather than stress about going back to the hotel room to answer emails or study, I chose to recognize my need for rest, spontaneity, and adventure. In doing so I got to climb a mountain, catch my first wave, and do yoga on the beach of Waikiki without feeling an ounce of guilt or unworthiness.

More importantly, I was able to slow down, remove distraction, and become alarmingly aware of the miraculous wonders of this earth.

By giving myself this time, treating myself, and being kind to myself, I am now rejuvenated and refueled to send the same love, mindfulness, and appreciation to the various commitments and individuals I serve at home. In other words, by taking the time to “be a yes” to myself, I am now able to “be a yes” to all those around me.

This month I encourage you to simply take some time for yourself. Saying no or giving something up can be extremely anxiety-provoking, especially since it erases some of the distraction commonly utilized to help cope with recovery, but it can be incredibly refreshing and uplifting. Try participating in something new, reliving an old childhood pastime you rarely have time for anymore, or maybe you simply sit, breathe, and relax.

Never be afraid to listen to yourself, to give yourself all you deserve, and to say yes to yourself. By doing so, you will truly find your ultimate being of power, peace, and joy.