Accountability and Self-Love

It comes relatively easy for people to construct an ideal list of desires and goals for the future. The hiccup arrives in figuring out how to get from point A to B. In the muck of attempting to shuffle through the mess, it is easy to forget to accept where you are at present, and to keep yourself on the constructive path to point B. The topic of confidence and self-care is a larger topic to dedicate time to on a later date, but what I am going to discuss is one of the foundational pieces towards developing a strong sense of self-love: accountability.

Now, there are many definitions for this out in the internet’s ether, but I define it as taking responsibility for yourself and for the goals you construct. It is the act of keeping yourself an active participant in recovery, or whatever endeavour present.

Accountability will crumble down like a sandcastle if the basics of self-respect and care are not at least at a minimum percent.

Why would any attempts at sticking to a constructive path work if you don’t think you matter, or that you are worth the effort?

In my experience, accountability was something I kept a second thought. Consequently, in the earlier stages of my recovery, I was still relying heavily on unhealthy coping behaviours. By doing this, I was glazing over the problems instead of dedicating proper time to myself and my well-being.

I am not saying accountability is something easy; it is not as simple as putting on a coat. It is a gradual process. On a daily basis, you must look at yourself and take note of those small goals, and also take the time to see if you are acknowledging the accomplishments of the moments prior.

No one can make the situations better, and there is no clear path of where to go or what station to go on to once “X” is completed.

In learning what accountability means to you, there is a freedom.

You figure out your boundaries, and you decide what walls you chip away at. You decide how much you are worth fighting for.

When I first started challenging myself, I refused to drive my car. Logically, I was aware of my skills, seeing that I did indeed have my license. But I let the anxiety of possible issues outweigh the accomplishment of passing the driver’s test. Instead of backing away, I forced myself to drive somewhere each week, first to the grocery store down the road, and when I was comfortable, to the mall twenty minutes down the road.

I would remind myself in the moments when my anxiety rose that I was doing this for myself, and I could indeed do this. Eventually, I got to the point where I started driving an hour, and sometimes I drive without a GPS and simply get lost, taking time to look at my area more.

Being accountable, like I said earlier, is a foundation for building self-love.

I say this because it does take recognizing one’s personal worth. It takes those moments of realizing that you are worth the effort and attention.

My key bit of advice, something I wish that I had been told, is, carry on. Carry on through the fear, because that’s where you will be able to see yourself. Carry on fighting the voice that says you do not deserve to feel at peace, or you don’t deserve happy moments. Take time to respect yourself and guide yourself on that constructive path.

Maybe it is challenging yourself to move a toe, to get out of bed and brush your teeth. Whatever it may be, set those little goals, and go for it.