In years past, I dreaded summer. It was the season of swimsuits, no routine, and showing lots of skin. I’ve never been a very social person, so summers were always an extended period of free, unstructured time alone. This had its advantages and (mostly) its disadvantages.
Summers, prior to about three years ago, before the summer preceding my junior year of high school, weren’t as bad.
Once the summer of 2011 hit and my eating disorder began to really develop, everything changed.
I began to hate swimming and bikinis. I began to hate being around others while showing so much skin, or even when I was fully clothed, because I thought everyone was judging me and my body.
This is how I spent three summers. However, I’m determined to make this summer different.
I’m determined to enjoy myself this summer.
I’m determined to stick to a routine (or at least more of one). I’m determined to use the skills that I’m currently learning in DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) to help ensure a successful summer emotionally.
I want to go on vacation and to the beach and have fun. I want to practice my guitar more. I want to make a good grade in my summer school public speaking class. I want to spend more time with my friends. I want to take my dog on regular walks and I want to start exercising for the health and enjoyment benefits.
This summer, I want to work on not caring what other people think about me and my body.
Chances are, they’re not paying any attention to what I look like anyway; and even if they are, who cares?!
I also want to work on not letting anything anyone says about my appearance or my body affect me.
The only peoples’ opinions who matter in regard to myself and my body are the opinions of myself (MY opinions, not my eating disorder’s opinions) and my treatment team. Bottom line. Others can say what they want, with good intentions or bad, and it shouldn’t make any difference to me.
I want to continue making progress in recovery this summer.
I want to learn to eat intuitively and to continue working on accepting my body and myself as they are. I want to work on being an overall healthy person, in mind, body, and spirit.
I want to continue to be an advocate for and an educator on mental health.
I want to begin to help others on their journeys to recovery as well.
Summer is a time for progress, for discovery, for fun, and for healing.
Recovery is hard work, but I am doing my best to ensure that I reach my goal of eventually being fully recovered from my eating disorder. I plan on using this time over the summer to help me make strides in achieving that goal.
I hope to make the most I can out of this summer.
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