Awakening New Freedoms in Anorexia Recovery

Listening to “Fields of Gold” sung by Eva Cassidy, I write this article with a full heart and a light soul. I am filled with hope and determination to create my own “fields of gold” on these luminous summer mornings.

Spring marked the commencement of a new beginning for all nature, from the robins who laid their eggs, to the bears awakening from their deep hibernation. In summer, the golden days are longer, the baby flowers are now in full blossom, and the world is filled with brave optimism, which can disperse even the strongest anxious thoughts.

Nature’s capricious behaviour challenges us in how we respond to our circumstances.

When the dark thunderclouds hover in the evening sky and heavy droplets pelt the windowpane at night, their melodies fill the mind with intense sadness, regrets, and regressions into the past. We lie awake hoping their waves will pass over.

In these moments, it is necessary to embrace these feelings; the sadness, the rain, and finally the peace.

We take the good times with the painful times and unite them as one.

We learn to embrace our feelings and understand our past instead of suppressing those memories.

But Nature has a way of surprising us with her enchanting mystical nature, for when summertime comes and the days are light and evenings warm, we look up to the scintillating stars and notice the beauty surrounding us. A beauty formed from those cold evenings transforming into a warm starry night.

Summer evenings always bring a calmness to my mind and soul as I am able to able to breathe in the air’s sweet aroma, becoming one with the universe around me. The season’s dynamic nature brings a blissful smile to my face.

The rain droplets ensure we do not give up hope; they blanket us with their healing waters, calming our senses, helping us understand our feelings and allowing us to become more aware of our surroundings. We now realize how integral it is to engage in our environment, come out of hibernation, and commit to life and love.

This year, I have been particularly observant of these new feelings.

A blossom in the air catches my eye as I remember how each second is a new beginning.

It is in the little nature walks where I cherish the life I have been given a second chance at. It is in making present memories with my family and friends, lying on the beach, taking hikes, trailblazing through the open forests, where I am happiest.

Anorexia takes a part of your soul and leaves it in dust of his skeleton box.

He doesn’t give room for any life, any love, any colour. Summertime brings back the colour to my world – the violet tulips, the blue ocean, the pink flushed cheeks from racing in the wind.

The freedom from a schooled structure helps me relax my schedule and find my own path, learning to understand how work is most enjoyable when I am free from structure.

Likewise, physical recovery from anorexia is most enjoyable when I stray from structured meal plans and enjoy different and exciting summer foods, such as BBQs and the haphazard (dairy-free) ice cream cone. Building sandcastles and climbing trees, I am not afraid to laugh and fall, for I am learning to laugh at myself, becoming aware of my limitations and strengths.

I have the choice now to embrace the newness.

Through the changing seasons, I can ride life’s dynamic tidal waves and still be at peace. In the changing tides between Spring and Summer, a new freedom awakens and we can finally “walk in fields of gold.”