Depression

Accountability to my Body in Depression Recovery

Accountability as a Benefit of Support Groups | Libero Magazine 2
Going to war with my body is never going to make it easier to live in. Every problem I’ve ever had with myself has only been made worse by battling my body.

Before you start reading...

Support us for #GivingTuesday!

$2,105 of $2,500 raised

Giving Tuesday is an international day of giving, it is also our biggest fundraiser of the year. Support our nonprofit magazine by donating -- every little bit helps!

$2,105 of $2,500 raised
$
Select Payment Method
Personal Info

Credit Card Info
This is a secure SSL encrypted payment.
Terms

Donation Total: $25 One Time


It’s a weird place for me to be here at the Libero, especially when it comes to writing about depression. I’m pretty confident that I’ve learned a few things about Eating Disorder recovery, but beating the depression part has proven to be more difficult. It still lingers more than I think it should at times.

If I find out that there’s a special prayer, a genius pill, or a perfect workout routine to make all my struggling friends (and myself) free from bad days in depression, I’ll be sure to share it with the world.

Until then, here’s a little something I’ve picked up on along this long journey… Unfortunately for me, I often have to start with what doesn’t work in order to make progress into what will work.

One of the things I’ve learned that doesn’t work is acting out against my body and neglecting my body.

Deliberately harming my body is something that’s much rarer for me now than it once was. I remember talking to friends who had formed the same habits of starvation with over-exercise, and some who had also adopted self-harm. I was weak and cold. My mood swings pressured me to isolate myself or irritate everyone around me. Like-minded friends had similar days. One friend was forced to show her markings, they had gotten infected and were giving her an overwhelming fever.

Accountability as a Benefit of Support Groups | Libero Magazine


Are you enjoying this article? We are a nonprofit and depend on donations to keep running. If you are enjoying this article, would you consider making a $2 donation?
$
Select Payment Method
Personal Info

Credit Card Info
This is a secure SSL encrypted payment.
Terms

Donation Total: $2


The whole time our bodies were begging for us to stop.

Freedom for me and many of my friends could only begin when we decided to honor the signals our bodies were giving us, rather than pushing back even more, again and again.

Eventually, and thankfully, it hit me. Going to war with my body is never going to make it easier to live in. Every problem I’ve ever had with myself has only been made worse by battling my body. It doesn’t matter what I told myself the battle was for. When it began with disordered eating, and as it loiters now along with depression, I only get into a darker place that way.

And so, for a while, I thought I was done with the abuse on my physical self. Managing school got easier. I started working more. I haven’t seemed to stop either. Today it seems like I continue to take on more whenever I can. At some point I realized that things weren’t getting easier to deal with anymore. I was back into feeling tired and weak. Mood swings came back. Even though I could eat a meal without wanting to start world war 3 on my body, I was back into that depressed rut.

Then came my second news flash:

Neglecting my body’s needs is just another type of abuse.

The simplest things I need, I often don’t allow myself. I always tell myself I can take more on so someone else doesn’t have to. I go to school full time. I almost always work myself into overtime on top of that. Then I help a friend paint rooms in their house. And I would never forget to add appointments for family members. I understand that none of these things are bad to do.

What I often fail to understand is that trying to do all of it at once is bad for my health. It doesn’t take long before my schedule gets so packed that I don’t make time to prepare a meal for a full day. I don’t allow myself a much needed therapeutic run until I’ve had a month or more without one. I’ll pull all-nighters until I’m ready to burst into tears from exhaustion.

24/7 autopilot is not living.

I know this. No one else would guess I did with the way I fail to apply it, though. It’s been a distraction from my problems, and it’s been the cause of my problems. It has never been the solution to my problems.

After learning what not to do, I’ve gained some simple facts I need to face and actually implement into my life. Taking care of myself is not something that just happens in my life. It’s something I’m intentional about, or I disregard. I need to set time aside to get my 8 hours of sleep. I need to have meals (plural) every day. I need to allow myself a physically and mentally healthy workout much more than once a month. These are not optional functions. I’ve fallen into a poor pattern enough times to know what comes from not taking my body seriously.

My body keeps me accountable in depression recovery like no one else does.

It lets me know when I need to eat more, or when I’ve had enough and should stop. Its clearest cry to me is the cry for consistent sleep. It gives me a refreshing feeling after a good workout, and a “take it easy” feeling when I’ve done more than enough. I need to choose to be an ally with my body if I want to understand its signals.

It can feel like I have a very far way to go. But this is where I have to start. Even if I have to restart every day during a bad week or a bad month, I will work to cooperate with my body as it keeps me accountable for the choices I make towards it.

Tweet this post:

Brooke struggled with disordered eating, depression, and self harm at a very young age. She went into recovery at fifteen in November of 2011, and continues to share and learn perspectives for healthy and happy living. Her faith in Christ is what motivated her recovery, and is what continues to motivate her to love herself and others more deeply every day. She deeply enjoys her work at a group home for individuals with a spectrum of disorders. Brooke plans to pursue a four year degree in Psychology at the University of Minnesota, Twin Cities. Brooke believes people (herself included) are messy, but well worth loving and caring for. Some of her interests include running, reading, listening to spoken word poetry, singing in the car and shower, and drinking coffee no matter the time of day. By writing for the Libero, Brooke aims to find another way to put her trials to good use.

If you enjoyed this article, please donate $2

As a nonprofit, we rely on donations to keep our magazine and community running. If you enjoyed this article, please consider donating:

$
Select Payment Method
Personal Info

Credit Card Info
This is a secure SSL encrypted payment.
Terms

Donation Total: $25 One Time


Report ad as harmful | Ad Policy
Don't Like Seeing Ads? We are a nonprofit and ads are one way we raise money to keep our site and projects going. If you don't like to see ads on our site, signup for monthly donations and help us fully fund ourselves through donations!

Subscribe


Support Libero for #GivingTuesday and help us raise $5,000!

Giving Tuesday 2018

We are a nonprofit. Support our magazine through our #GivingTuesday campaign!

$2,105 of $2,500 raised
$2,105 of $2,500 raised

We will be accepting donations for this campaign until the end of the year, but we hope to reach our goal by Giving Tuesday! Learn more

If you have any troubles donating, please email donations@liberonetwork.com
$
Select Payment Method
Personal Info

Credit Card Info
This is a secure SSL encrypted payment.
Terms

Donation Total: $25 One Time

What are you ‘Free from’?

Micaela: Free from Shame | Libero Magazine 1

Report ad as harmful | Ad Policy


Support Libero Monthly

We are a nonprofit. Support our magazine by signing up for monthly donations!

0% funded
0% funded

Though other online publications are starting to charge monthly subscriptions for their content, as a nonprofit, we want our articles to be available free of charge. This means we rely on ongoing donations to keep our magazine running and our website growing.

If you enjoy our content, please sign up to support us monthly! (you can change your mind at any time)

$

You have chosen to donate $5 monthly.

Select Payment Method
Personal Info

Credit Card Info
This is a secure SSL encrypted payment.
Terms

Donation Total: $5 Monthly

Do you blog about mental health?


Report ad as harmful | Ad Policy


Don’t Like Seeing Ads? We are a nonprofit and ads are one way we raise money to keep our site and projects going. If you don’t like to see ads on our site, signup for monthly donations and help us fully fund ourselves through donations!
Micaela: Free from Shame | Libero Magazine 1 Send us your story! [click here] or post your “Free from___” photo on Instagram and tag us: @liberomagazine!