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Being free from ‘Fitting In’ has an important meaning for me this year.
For as long as I can remember I wanted to please others above everything else. Freedom, to me, is trusting the timing of my life.
“Freedom to me is trusting the timing of my life.”
I had a great deal of trouble setting boundaries, forming my own opinions, and questioning what went against popular belief, even when it was something I was drawn to.
I overrode my natural inclination–my intuition–to remain ‘socially acceptable’, and though this behaviour kept me safe from rejection (so I thought), it caused me to shrink who I was, who I am.
I did not feel empowered to explore my own interests or to value my unique body.
I am naturally tall and strong, I have a healthy appetite for food and for life, but I found myself dimming and restricting my urges to become more petite, less intense.
I assumed being this way was more socially attractive, and deep down I wanted to be accepted by others individually and by society at large more than anything.
I now understand that this is an impossible undertaking for any human.
Regardless, I began to shrink myself, mentally, emotionally and physically until I became an empty vessel, filled only by the fleeting approval I received from passing comments or actions.
It took me years to wake up to this struggle. It is one that I still recognize on the daily basis, but it no longer fools me into complete submission.
I realize now that it is OK to take up space and to explore everything about myself and the world, kindly but unapologetically.
It’s okay to take up space kindly but unapologetically.
It now excites me to look at daily life as one big social experiment, to think outside the box, to learn and absorb everything I can, especially when others think it’s weird.
I accept that not everyone is going to love me, like me, or value me, but the fact the I do is all I need. I trust my body now to take me where I want to go, to tell me when it’s hungry and full and when it needs rest and movement.
I am slowly learning to be my own best friend again and I am being patient with myself in the process.
I am done Fitting In because I cherish being open.
Kirsten is a Certified Personal Trainer and Bootcamp Instructor who works mainly with a Plus-Size clientele. She is very passionate about guiding people to empower themselves through mindful movement and connection, to their bodies, to others, and to the world.
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