Relational Health

Loneliness When You’re Not Alone

There are so many wonderful people in my life and I am going to give them their due and recognition because I am not lonely at all; I just need to remember that.

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Loneliness: an unpleasant feeling in which a person feels a strong sense of emptiness and solitude resulting from inadequate levels of social relationships. (source)

How does one become lonely?

Is it a gradual slip into this state, or is it a split second moment when one realizes that he or she is in fact, lonely? This is something that I am trying to work through right now. I know that I am not in fact lonely; I have absolutely wonderful friends and family whom I spend countless fantastic hours with. I am definitely not alone in life. However, lately, I have been dealing with the overwhelming desire to be in a relationship.

Why you ask? I have absolutely no idea.

I have come to discover though that there are major differences between a romantic relationship and a friendship.

For me, a lot of this stems from my Love Language: physical touch.

I’ve mention the 5 Love Languages before, but for those of you who do not know, it is a book written by Dr. Gary Chapman, which states that every person has a certain “love language” that makes them feel loved. For me, it is physical touch – holding hand, hugging, cuddling, or even an encouraging hand on my back speaks straight to my emotional core and makes me feel loved and appreciated.

The fact that I am so strongly tied to physical touch makes it difficult when I am not in a relationship that allows for this kind of closeness.

If I am being completely honest, the thing I miss most about being in a relationship is the cuddling. Last night I had the most amazing night with my best friend, baking, watching movies, and chatting by the fireplace. But while this night was so much fun, I still felt like there was something missing. That something was a boy to cuddle up with.

Do not get me wrong, I love my friends to death. This year, they have been my rock to get me through this tough semester both academically and emotionally.

What I need to start recognizing is how much I am loved and cared for by them, and not to long for a different kind of love and appreciation.

I have never been the kind of girl to need a relationship to make her whole, and I’m still not, but we can all understand that being in a relationship is fulfilling.

I know that there is someone out there for me. I am just going to have to practice patience (of which I have little of) and focus on the now. There are so many wonderful people in my life and I am going to give them their due and recognition because I am not lonely at all; I just need to remember that.


Taylor writes on relationships, depression, and general mental health.

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