It’s hard to believe we’re almost a quarter of the way through 2016 already. It’s amazing how time flies. I know it’s been awhile since my last Note from the Editor and there are many reasons for this. The main reason being that up until recently, my health has not been good.
As some of you may know from my personal blog, last year I was diagnosed with a rare and severe swallowing disorder, the symptoms of which impact on my day-to-day life and abilities. This past January I underwent surgery to fix what was going wrong with my body, and I am pleased to say that for now, the symptoms are resolved.
All this being said, the last few months–and even the last year–have not gone how I hoped or initially planned.
Isn’t that the way it seems to go? So often life somehow manages to get in its own way.
Recently I’ve been feeling a lot of guilt for having fallen behind on things. Libero is a small organization, and one in its young years, still with much room grow. The pressure for “blood, sweat, and tears” to be paid is overwhelming and I have been unable to meet these expectations.
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The problem is not with the pressure from the outside, though, but rather the pressure from within.
See, it should never matter how much pressure society or people are placing on me; what should only matter is the pressure I am placing on myself. However, I am not good at separating these two things.
Last year I wasn’t able to give more than about fifty percent because that’s only how well I was. I was forced to make my health a priority, and all else took the backseat.
Again, this is not the problem; the problem is that I couldn’t accept this.
I felt guilty for falling behind, for taking time off, for putting myself first. In all honesty, I’ve been beating myself up pretty bad on and off for the past year.
But all this is about to change. Why? Because this is March, and in March we are talking about forgiveness.
Sometimes we hold things against ourselves that we shouldn’t. And sometimes we need to forgive ourselves for these things. Why? Because with forgiveness comes healing.
I’m not sure if I need to forgive myself for being sick and falling behind, or if I need to forgive myself for not being OK with this. Either way, it’s time to let go and move forward. And, if you have been going through anything similar to what I have recently, I hope this month you will join me and do the same.
Because sometimes the most important forgiveness comes from within.
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