Relational Health

What I’ve Learned From Being In Love

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When I met him, I had no idea he would change my life so completely. From the first time, he told me that my life was beautiful, to his daily “I love you,” I constantly find more reasons to be grateful for his presence.

In the middle of an emotionally turbulent time, he took me under his wing. I was experiencing an emotional rut, and my attitude reflected it. There was no way a normal person would have enjoyed being around me. My best friend and I were “breaking up” after a big fight. She was all I had up until then, and I felt alone without her. Hanging out with him became what I looked forward to all day, every day. I longed for his humor to make me laugh, and his caring words to heal my aching heart.

There was something about him that made me feel at peace, like an angel that was sent down from heaven just for me.

 I could finally be myself, even crazy and weird me, and trust that he would continue to stick around.

Until I met him, I never told anyone about my anorexia, mostly in fear of judgment. Even so, I was so comfortable with him that it wasn’t hard to reveal my past and how much I still struggled. His reaction was even more compassionate than I expected. His words practically healed me. “You’re so beautiful, Tay. Although I don’t know much about eating disorders, I know I will always support you and be here for you.”

After that conversation, we were inseparable. He was something special, something different. He cared and he wasn’t afraid to show me.

Because he has seen me go through so many different phases regarding eating and exercise, he knows when I am going backward and when I am making progress on my journey of recovery, and he’ll let me know. He has always reminded me that without being able to love myself, I will never heal completely and will never be able to let him love me entirely.

“No one will be able to fully love you until you love yourself.”

To me, this sheds light on one simple fact – it’s not that you are unlovable if you don’t love yourself, it’s that you will never feel that anyone truly loves you until you truly love yourself. How can you believe that someone loves you if you don’t even love you? Without being able to accept and love who I was, His love would never be enough for me. I would always question his love when in reality, his love for me is strong and secure.

Our third anniversary is coming up on February 28. He has seen me at my happiest and he’s seen me miserable beyond despair, but he has supported me through it all and guided me to see that life is worth living. He helped me to see who I was without ED. I found a girl who is caring and thoughtful. One who loves to draw and make art. One who is crazy and silly and loud, but with a quiet, sensitive side.

I’ve learned to open up, laugh until my stomach hurts, and to believe in and love the person I found.

My journey toward self-love and away from this life-threatening ED has been possible because I’ve had someone by my side who motivates and inspires me. And for that I am thankful. I am thankful to have someone who loves me so much and will always be there for me, no matter what.

Tayla is recovering from anorexia. She hopes to major in Culinary Arts/Business one day. She writes about eating disorder recovery and anxiety.

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