It is an hour and a half into the ‘day of love’ and I find myself awake and stricken with an evil case of insomnia and so I figure what better thing to do than write, and what better thing to write about than valentine’s day and that which relates to it…
No, I do not find myself with a date this year…come to think of it, I am not sure if I ever have found myself with a date on this particular day – circumstantial irony I suppose. However, I almost feel that it is those of us who find ourselves ‘lacking’ in the gooey completeness found in coupleness that have the most to say on a day such as this (not that there are many days like this – thank the good Lord for that).
For those of you who are now considering switching tabs, shutting this window, or, heaven forbid, closing your laptop lid because you assume this blog is going to be nothing more than the rantings of a bitter heart, fear not, there is a purpose to this post and so I shall get to it promptly…
Heartbreak – it is such a brutal word filled with such heavy connotations of negativity and despair. Without going into full details that would most likely be misunderstood and misinterpreted anyways, let me simply say this: last week I found myself in such a situation where I discovered that, as Taylor Swift so originally puts it “I’m not a princess, and this ain’t a fairy tale,” – in layman’s terms, I did not get my Disney ending. And so I was faced with a situation where there is nothing else to do but “just keep swimming.” But what does that even mean? How do I even go about doing that?
Well I didn’t get it right the first time that’s for sure. As is typical of me (and perhaps most of you) I tried many a ways to make it all just go away.
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I tried obsessing over it – reliving everything, every word, every movement…needless to say that did not make anything go away.
Then I turned to mockery. I laughed at how ridiculous the story really was and made light of everything… Denial.
When both of those techniques failed I turned to my favourite alternative: shopping. I filled my bags, emptied my wallet, and, not to my surprise, still didn’t feel any relief.
Chocolate didn’t help much either…
At this point I realized I was dealing with some pretty serious stuff here and I felt maybe a more drastic approach would do the trick. So I went and got a piercing. New look=new me. But, you guessed it, that didn’t help either.
So what did help? This process of trial and error has been going on for the past week (and counting) and I am happy to say I am doing better, but not thanks to any of the above efforts.
Here is a list of what I found to be successful:
- Talking about it – not obsessing, not gossiping, not making light of anything; but simply talking and being honest about what had happened and what I was feeling allowed me to not only get things out and release the pressure, but also helped me see that overall I was still OK and I would be OK.
- Exercise – in P.E. class they tell you to ‘walk it off’ I personally prefer to run it off – but whatever works for you. Endorphins are great! And preferable over the temporary healing of alcohol that inevitably ends in some form of humiliating disaster.
- Breaking stuff – no, I am not a crazy violent person, but I did have a lot of pent up frustration and when I was presented by fate with a gift – a fragile thing that I could smash to pieces (safely of course and without doing any damage) – I jumped at the opportunity and relieved the anger – much better than resorting to road rage and screaming at harmless animals.
- Reading – for me it was St. Augustine, anything that feeds the soul will do. And reading often couples nicely with reflective writing (if you are unsure what reflective writing is, well you are reading some right now!)
- Music can help in the right circumstances…and if you are like me and like to pretend you are a rock star and belt out those high notes, then I suggest doing it in your car, with the windows rolled up and not at a stop light.
- Carrying on with life – probably the most important one of all. Don’t think you have to shut down just because one small aspect of your life did. Even if you lost that one person that you spent every day with and it feels as though nothing else is quite the same, look around, realize all the people that are there and even if it seems impossible to have fun and even if you would rather lie on the floor listening to Damien Rice as you count the specks on the ceiling, invite them over to eat cheese nachos on the floor. You won’t regret it. Remember, love comes in all different forms, all kinds of places, and from all types of people. Don’t devalue one form of love simply because you have lost another.
And so, in closing, if you find this day impossible to get through, just remember you are not alone. And February 14 is just a day. And even if you feel broken because you didn’t get your happy ending, just remember: Your story isn’t over yet.
I hope these tips help.
Wishing you all the love in the world on the world’s day of Love.
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