Relational Health

On relationships, abandonment issues, wasps, and The Eagles


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I am not the most confident person when it comes to relationships. Perhaps this has something to do with the fact that I am a neurotic fatalist with abandonment issues (just a guess…).

Somewhere between being raised on the mission field with the constant comings and goings of friends without warning, growing up in Africa where you never can be quite sure what your reality will be one day to the next, and having relationships of various forms with, well let’s just say it, very unstable people, I’ve developed this idea that people can turn on a dime and one minute you are blissfully happy and the next, the world as you know it has shattered.

Recently I found myself walking along what felt like a tight rope over a grand canyon of potential hurt. My anxiety began to build with thoughts that were mostly fabricated by illogical worry. Ironically, the fear of getting hurt really was the only thing causing instability and threatening my chances of not falling into the depths.

It was at this point that my dad sent me a message (ps – I love my dad). This is what it said:

Hi Kiddo
I read today in my Thomas Merton book that he saw a bluebird land on a fence post and then fly off to chase a wasp, unsuccessful in the hunt the bird returned to the fence post. He said the bird was not bothered by his failure in the hunt. He thinks we should learn from the bluebird.
Things don’t always work out, but that doesn’t mean you are a failure.
It is, at the end, part of life.
Love Dad


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I think it is important we remember this in regards to our friendships, relationships, and pretty much anything we try in life. When things don’t work out as we planned, we tend to think we have ‘failed’ in some way and we get down on ourselves; we need to realize that sometimes things just don’t work out – that doesn’t mean we failed. Just like with the bluebird – we try, we miss, we move on.

I want to leave you with this song by one of the greatest bands to ever exist, The Eagles. The song is called “Wasted Time” (lyrics posted below). Enjoy 🙂 and remember – it’s never really wasted time.

“Wasted Time” by The Eagles

Well baby, there you stand
With your little head, down in your hand
Oh, my God, you can’t believe it’s happening again
Your baby’s gone, and you’re all alone
and it looks like the end.

And you’re back out on the street.
And you’re tryin’ to remember.
How will you start it over?
You don’t know what became.
You don’t care much for a stranger’s touch,
But you can’t hold your man.

You never thought you’d be alone this far down the line
And I know what’s been on your mind
You’re afraid it’s all been wasted time

The autumn leaves have got you thinking about the first time that you fell
You didn’t love the boy too much, no, no, you just loved the boy too well,
Farewell
So you live from day to day, and you dream about tomorrow, oh.
And the hours go by like minutes and the shadows come to stay
So you take a little something to make them go away
And I could have done so many things, baby
If I could only stop my mind from wondrin’ what
I left behind and from worrying ’bout this wasted time

Oh, another love has come and gone
Oh, and the years keep rushing on
I remember what you told me before you went out on your own:
“Sometimes to keep it together, we got to leave it alone.”
So you can get on with your search, baby, and I can get on with mine
And maybe someday we will find , that it wasn’t really wasted time

Lauren is the Founder and Editor of Libero. She started Libero in April 2010, when she shared her story about her struggles with an eating disorder and depression. Now Lauren uses her writing and videos to advocate mental health and body positivity. In her spare time, she enjoys makeup artistry, playing Nintendo, and taking selfies with her furbaby, Zoey.

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2 Comments

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  • Thank you Lauren, I really needed this right now!

    "Ironically, the fear of getting hurt really was the only thing causing instability and threatening my chances of not falling into the depths." <– Story of my life… I'm working on it, though.

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