Falling Together, Falling Apart

As you may well know, here at Libero we have dedicated the month of October to the topic of ‘friendships’. So one might expect me to discuss the roll personal struggles, addictions, or disorders play in the development and maintenance of close relationships. However, I feel that my fellow writers have done and are doing a great job at going over this. Instead, I will be discussing a topic applicable yet painful for the majority of us, and that is the closing of relationships.

Over the years I have had several friends, romantic partners, and family members come and go, some of which shocked me considering I once believed we would remain close for the rest of our lives. Unfortunately though, as Stephen Chobsky writes in ‘The Perks of Being a Wallflower’, “things change. And friends leave. And life doesn’t stop for anybody.”

Sure, this may be a bleak way of looking at things, but it is true to some extent. I don’t think there is one of us who can say that we have not been hurt by someone leaving or choosing a path different from the one we are taking.  Yet, life goes on, with or without our consent, so we may as well move along with it so that we may be open to the opportunities that lie ahead.

A major reason the ending of relationships can be devastating for us is because we tend to find a sense of our identity within interpersonal relationships, so when these end we are forced to reevaluate who we are and what our role may now be. This especially holds true in romantic relationships because we usually identify ourselves as being half of a couple. A simple example would be a woman going to a party and having someone introduce her by saying, “This is Maria, John’s girlfriend.” The fact that she is not simply known as ‘Maria’, but ‘Maria, John’s girlfriend’, exemplifies this theory that we find our identity in (and others identify us by) our relationships. Therefore, we have the potential of feeling lost when close relationships end.

Yet, there is definitely a silver lining here. We should see breakups as an opportunity to make new of ourselves-to read, watch, craft, and explore things we have not yet experienced. We now have the chance to regroup ourselves and learn even more about who we are as individuals and what it is we value.

Marilyn Monroe put it well when she so famously said, “Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”

This sounds easy enough coming from the icon of sex appeal and beauty herself, but how do we go about moving on from our own past relationships? I believe the key here is loving yourself and realizing that these things happen. I know that sounds super cheesy and probably lame, but it is also true.

If you do not have a decent amount of respect for yourself then, of course, you will take most, if not all, of the blame for the severing of ties, and this is not at all healthy. Yet if you have a deep-seeded love and respect for your own person then you will be able to handle even the most horrific of breakups.

Remember that if you enjoyed yourself before the relationship, you most certainly have the capability of being happy after it has ended.

And do you know what is considered one of the most attractive qualities in a person? Smiling. Being happy. Research shows that people who smile are perceived as being more attractive, sincere, sociable, and confident. And I personally feel that sincere happiness has a way of making you glow and attracting the best kind of people to you. After all, smiling is contagious. Smile at someone today in the supermarket and see what happens. I’m assuming that person will smile back. Happy people make others happy. And I personally believe the key to your own happiness is accepting and being comfortable with yourself and all that you are, not just your positive attributes, but your faults and flaws, as well.

So, get upset over breakups, spoiled friendships, or dramatic family encounters, but understand that these things should not deter from your own self preservation and acceptance. Things will be fall together, just as they fell apart. In the meantime, find joy and peace within yourself so that you may be strong in times of wavering relationships. And know that you must be the first to recognize your own worth and beauty before others can see it, too.

Haley Greenwell