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There is something my mentor shared we me. He said that there are two types of people: people who prove and people who bend. Let me explain what each of them are:
A person who ‘bends’ is someone who blames everyone else for their mistake.
They will pass off any problem, saying it is someone else’s. For example they will be that person at an event who says this event sucks because the person in charge did not plan it well, or because it is not what they want to do. They will blame the person in charge instead of making the most of their situation.
Next is the excuses. This is a big one, as the person will make excuses for everything. THIS IS MY WEAKNESS. I will always say stuff like: I was tired, I had a lot going on, I was just frustrated, I did not mean to do that, that was no my intention, or It was not meant like that. Do those sound familiar?
In our society we tend to make excuses for everything we do so that we do not have to take responsibility.
Next is neglecting: they will neglect all ownership or something they are in charge of. They will do anything to neglect anything that could be hard work or responsibility.
Dismissing is another part of those who ‘Bend’; they dismiss anything they can. “Oh I do not want to do that”, “that was not me”, “well that is not exactly what happened” or “it is not that big of deal”.
And last is SULKING! These are people who just find something wrong in EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME. “Aw this sucks, this event is boring… sigh…”
But here’s the thing, we all make excuses or blame on occasion, but we need to aim to be PROVE people:
SPOILER ALERT! this is the type of person you want to be!
First off is pride: this does not mean ego or being arrogant this means taking pride in what you do. I will describe this and you will know someone right now who fits this description. Pride in this situation is for someone who just takes absolute pride in what they do, they take complete control of it and do not just do something half-heartily.
These are those passionate people who when you see them do something think oh man I WISH I could be as passionate about something as they are.
They will be the people who will just take so much pride in what they are doing and will not back down.
Next is responsibility this is my favourite – people who take responsibility when they make a mistake. These people will always shock you because they will be the first tell you I MESSED UP, I made a mistake and boy do you respect these people so much.
Next is ownership – where someone takes ownership for their actions, which is similar to responsibility but more with actions. They will take ownership of what they are saying, how they are acting and how they are making people feel. These are the type of people that make you feel cared about because they take ownership of what they are saying and effect they are having.
Next is value- this is people who find value in every action they are doing.
Every job they do they find the utter value in what they are doing.
It could be as simple as serving, or talking but they find value in these things.
Lastly is empowerment which are types of people who just inspire you to do more, to take on task, to take on responsibility and who help you along the way. These are the type of people you always want to be around because they make you want to be like them.
So when my mentor shared this with me he asked me: So, who are YOU?
This sends a shiver down your spine (at least it did for me) because you get this huge description of what the good and bad types are. Then I just sat there and realized ah ha! I am not perfect one of the biggest things I struggle with still is make excuses and dismissing.
I will admit 100% I make excuses for my actions sometimes well often that I will make up something. Why I did not do well, oh I was tired, I was out talking to much last night, or some lame excuse like that. Instead of taking responsibility for my actions I tend to make excuses which is a horrible thing but it is something I do.
Also I still dismiss things and play them off like oh it was nothing.
This one I am really starting to work on but I still do this from time to time. I dismiss my actions and the things I say like they were nothing. But what I have learned when going through all this depression and such you cannot dismiss these small things like they are nothing or they will build up and just rip right through you. I dismissed my actions and made excuses for them and eventually they broke me down from the inside out.
Going through depression was so tough for this – I was in between being a bends and a prove person. On good days I was a “Prove” person, but when the depression hit I’d resort back to ‘bends.’
I was blaming people for what I was going through, making excuses for every action, neglecting all responsibility, dismissing the effect I was having on people and just sulking all the time for anything that would not go my way.
By no means am I perfect now or am I the perfect person but I aim each day to become that PROVE person.
Here is my challenge for anyone reading this… who are YOU? take the time to really look into your life and figure out who you are and be honest with yourself.
It is good once and a while to self-reflect so take the time to reflect on this and figure out what is going on.
That is challenge one. Challenge two is asking yourself who do you really want in your life? This does not mean that if anyone is not a perfect prove person kick them out of your life but this means who are the type of people you want shaping your life.
Do you want people who prove or bend?
Christian struggled through and recovered from depression. He likes to write so others can hear his story and know there is hope. His goal is that through sharing, people will be able to see their story within his own.
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