I woke up on Thursday and realized I didn’t like my life. I stayed in bed until one o’clock. I thought maybe Friday would be different. I woke up Friday and realized I still didn’t like my life. I stayed in bed.
What is happening?
The title of this blog implies that I have the answer; unfortunately, I don’t. The answer is something I am working on finding.
What were the reasons? Well, I just realized that although I live a very blessed and fortunate life (and I do not in any way mean to overlook this), I am not enjoying my life. For example, I was at the pool a while back and this guy (albeit, a very creepy guy) began hitting on me; I paid no interest…until he asked me “So, do you have any hobbies?” I realized in that moment that even if I was interested in creepy-pool-guy, I still wouldn’t know how to answer that. Hobbies? Surely I have hobbies…don’t I? I like to work. I like to write, but that has now become work. I like to run, does running count? Or is that simply working out?
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So I am a bit of a workaholic (expect a blog on this in the near future). You know it’s bad when the closest you come to a ‘date’ is drive-thru fast food in a car with someone you hold an extremely-platonic relationship with and when you consider going to a friend’s house to jump-start his car a ‘social event’. Or when you strategically plan meetings so you don’t have to be alone on Friday night.
And those days when I go tanning in the afternoon and when I say hi to the girl behind the desk and am startled by the sound of my own voice (realizing that was the first time I’d spoken to anyone all day). – None of these are good signs.
Don’t get me wrong, I have wonderful, amazing friends and a close relationship with my family. But when you spend the majority of your time working and when you aren’t working you are thinking about work, then when you find yourself in a social setting you are so mentally drained all you want to do is go home and sleep…well after you finish that one project that really needs to get done.
This is where I am. So in the morning, I stay in bed.
Oh, and another thing, I was talking to a fellow writer and we were discussing writing in humour – something he enjoys doing – and I realized that I couldn’t remember the last time I wrote something funny. I used to write funny. I really did! But now I take life too seriously; list is serious, but it also has its share of comedy.
I realized I don’t laugh much anymore.
For those of you who know me, you will realize that I am not the type to be satisfied with this. So I am going to do something about it. Here is a list of ideas (they are merely ‘ideas’ because, as I mentioned before, I have not put them into action yet)…
- Limit the amount of time I spend working (which can be harder than you think when you work from home).
- Regain enjoyment in my work (because I do, after all, love my work – I have the opportunity to work for two amazing organizations with great causes)
- Don’t let the first thing I do in a day OR the last thing I do be work-related.
- Find hobbies – I like running, swimming, going for walks, wandering around the mall, going for coffee with friends (surely these things all count… maybe I should’ve checked with creepy-pool-guy).
- Don’t take everything so seriously. Yes, life is a serious business and I am a naturally serious person, but when I am enjoying a drive in the sun with a friend I don’t need to be worrying about how to solve world hunger. (I can do that when I get home)
- Change my perspective. I think this one is really important. The fact that I view exercise as a form of work rather than a hobby makes it feel like just that, work. However, I am a person who enjoys being active and so if I view these things more as hobbies then I will be able to have fun while doing them. (the same can go with writing)
- Stop and smell the roses. It’s true – our culture is so fast-paced, everyone is sprinting towards comfortable self-preservation (don’t get me started on comfortable self-preservation!), what we don’t realize, however, is that race takes place on a treadmill – we really aren’t getting anywhere.
Are you enjoying your life? If the answer is no, I hope you take some of these ideas into consideration. It is never too late to change the way you are living. Why not change it now – it’s not too late. After all, you only get one life.
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