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Lately I’ve been feeling as though I am being attacked from all directions; just as I pick myself up, life seems to find a way to knock be back off of my feet again, and it’s exhausting.
I feel as though I am up against some pretty big enemies: heartbreak, guilt, jealousy, hatred, E.D…. And I feel like I just can’t compete. I am only one person – I am only little me. Little 5 ft. 0 (yes, ‘0’ as in nothing) me. Even my stilettos don’t seem to be offering me much of an advantage anymore…
Last week I nearly gave in and gave up. I was completely overwhelmed, and just plain worn out. And the thought of little ol’ me actually being able to face down my demons seemed almost laughable. Only I was too weary to laugh. So I just cried a little.
It’s not the size of the girl in the fight…it’s the size of the fight in the girl. – this is what my self-defense professor told us.
In recovery we are faced with some pretty big demons – the worst of which seem to come from within – guilt, shame, bitterness, regret, insecurity, vanity, anger, and the list goes on… Our ‘E.D.s’, our addictions, they often feel like the Goliath to our David. And some days we just don’t have the energy to fight. We try; we stand up, we throw a few punches, let out a few screams, but our energy quickly runs out and we lie down on the floor and let out a sigh of defeat and wonder what ever made us think we were big enough to actually win this war.
But it’s not the size of the girl in the fight – it’s the size of the fight in the girl.
Yes, our enemies are big – bullies, ignorant parents, immature friends, unexpected tragedies, addictions, ED – and we may feel small, but we can defeat them so long as our fight is bigger.
So today I encourage you to stand up, take a deep breath, and grab hold of your will to fight – your will to live.
You will beat this. Just don’t give up. Not today, not ever.
Lauren is the Founder and Editor of Libero. She started Libero in April 2010, when she shared her story about her struggles with an eating disorder and depression. Now Lauren uses her writing and videos to advocate mental health and body positivity. In her spare time, she enjoys makeup artistry, playing Nintendo, and taking selfies with her furbaby, Zoey.
SITE DISCLAIMER: The opinions and information shared in this article or any other Content on our site may not represent that of Libero Network Society. We hold no liability for any harm that may incur from reading content on our site. Please always consult your own medical professionals before making any changes to your medication, activities, or recovery process. Libero does not provide emergency support. If you are in crisis, please call 1-800-784-2433 or another helpline or 911.
I love this post as always, Lauren! You have a lot to deal with right now, but you are SO courageous, strong, and kick-ass- I know you can overcome anything that life throws at you- and thank you for reminding all of us that we can, too! You rock girl, I'm glad you're staying strong and believing in yourself b/c you can do anything you set your mind to.
Thank-you so much, Jess 🙂 This comment really brought a smile to my face! You Rock! And your support means so much 🙂