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Editor's Note: We are a non-religious magazine. However, we acknowledge that spirituality is important to many. Our Faith column is a place to discuss how faith (of any kind) positively affects mental health and how to improve the conversation around mental health within faith communities.
“Let go and let God.”
I have always loved this quote about trusting God, even if I struggle to live by it. As someone whose greatest challenge has been relinquishing my own need for absolute control over my life and everything in it, these words ring particularly truthful—and yet bothersome at the same time.
I believe in God, and I believe that He has set forward a path for each one of us.
I don’t think it’s written in stone, and I believe He allows for constant room, growth and change where it is most needed in our lives. That being said, I seem to have a hard time remembering these things when the going gets tough, and even more so when everything appears seamlessly perfect.
Right now, all of the good things in my life are making me uneasy. I am happy and so, so grateful for how I’ve been blessed…but I am skeptical, as well.
My husband’s finally landed a job in his dream field and our new apartment is everything I’ve ever wanted for a home. We’re healthy and at the eve of our first anniversary, our marriage is stronger than ever. I have never been so completely content, and it makes me question what I’ve done to deserve it. I pray every night and I thank God for His grace and generosity, but I still feel as though it’s not enough. There is no way to repay Him and I find myself looking outward, worried for what change might be just over the horizon.
My OCD and anxieties have fuelled my fear of the unknown, and have led me to always be on guard, trying to predict and outrun the unexpected.
The trouble with this is, no matter what I think I’m doing to direct my own course, I am never fully in control, for better or for worse. The Lord is there pushing me, pulling me, showing me what I need, even when it may not be what I want or think I’m meant for at the time.
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In my short, twenty-three years, I can look back and say without a doubt that every blessing, trial, stumble, and success I’ve had has led me to where I am today.
My experiences have moulded the person that I am, and even situations I once viewed as negative aren’t anything that I would take back now. Without a doubt, I am sure of this, but I still show my own weakness, reveal my humanity by forgetting to trust in God, regardless of circumstance.
Lucky for me, The Lord is endlessly forgiving, and whether I’m meant to fight or falter, He’s got my back. He is there to grant me peace in my advances, and He steadies me when my steps are uncertain and I’ve lost all sense of direction.
As much as the future and its volatility sometimes renders me helpless or causes me to feel incompetent, I seek relief in my faith.
My comfort zone may lie within my sense of control, but it’s God’s will that brings me true calmness.
It’s funny in a way, that my faith has been one of my greatest tools in recovery—to trust without question, to relinquish my desire to know everything. I always guessed He has a sense of humor.
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