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Something I have learned over years is that I have some extreme trust issues. I have an extremely hard time trusting people. I tend to start off trusting people 100% and then as soon as something goes wrong I stop trusting and actually lose the trust I had for them. I’ve also noticed that the closer I get to people, the less I trust them (ironic, eh?).
If you look at my life there are very few people that often have been there for longer then a year, simply because the closer I become with people the more fearful I become of being hurt. I have this massive FEAR of TRUST.
So what does it actually mean to trust someone? For me it means to actually tell someone about your struggles, your fears and what you are trying to improve on. Sounds simple right? Well that is actually my biggest fear in life – that I will have to one day trust someone with everything about me. One of my greatest qualities is my ability to quickly trust people and share about my life but my greatest weakness is that I have the absolute fear of being close to people, so the trust never lasts.
Where did these problems start? I honestly do not know where they began I have a loving family, have has some awesome friends and have grown up around great examples. I find that the people I am closest to are the ones who have hurt me the most. Yet the thing is, I do not know if it was there fault or if it was my own fear of trusting. that led to the hurt.
When you feel like someone has let you down you always have a choice do you forgive and work through it? or do you do what I have done over the years, which is to believe that they are untrustworthy and withdraw my trust?
During my depression I hit my ultimate low for my trust issues. I hated trusting people and I am still working on regaining my ability to trust people. During my depression it was interesting, well interesting is a bad work but it was extremely challenging. To actually start to trust people was a challenge all in itself.
Anyone who is reading this who has trust issue themselves listen to this next part… Trusting is a great thing, being open is a great thing but you still have to be careful when trusting people. Start small, don’t do what I tend to do and ‘throw it all out there’ because you’ll just scare yourself, instead, start by trusting people will small things and build up the trust until you feel comfortable.
Trust is a relationship in itself and like all relationships you need to start with a little bit of trust and then slowly build it up more and more. Do not be afraid to trust people but also DO NOT over trust right away.
I wish I had the answer for what the cure for the fear of trust is but I am still struggling with it. I trust people and yet do not trust people everyday. I often do not know the answer but I offer this advice: start small and work your way up. For me it is slowly learning to trust the ‘right people’ – what I mean by that is people you feel comfortable with, and people you know who will also push you when you feel like backing away.
So I encourage you to start trusting again – don’t give in to the fear.
Christian struggled through and recovered from depression. He likes to write so others can hear his story and know there is hope. His goal is that through sharing, people will be able to see their story within his own.
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