Depression

Insomnia

Bad, Good; It's Hard to Tell--A Zen Story About Mindfulness | Libero Magazine 1

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Insomnia and inability to fall asleep started around the same time my depression did. It was pretty interesting, I would stay up all night thinking about:

  • What I am going to do
  • How I am going to do it
  • When I am going to do it
  • What I can accomplish RIGHT now

The scary party is usually that conversation goes through my head about 5 hours later than it should i.e. 1-4am in the morning.

Even now I am thinking about tomorrow what do I need to get done.

Well it’s as simple as school homework, move out, wake up, drive my dad to the airport and go out to dinner. How I am going to do it is easy. When I am going to do it is tomorrow and what can I do RIGHT now? Well nothing, and that is the difficult part about insomnia. There is nothing that I can do right now at all. All I can do is sit here and worry about tomorrow, which is unhealthy and unproductive.

I am unsure if my insomnia is either Acute or Chronic. Acute means that it will last a month or two whereas chronic means it is an ongoing thing that can be triggered at any point.

It is scary to think that 30-50% of people have some form of insomnia.

I guess that means that we are no longer ‘alone’ –  ha!

As funny as that seems, the first and scariest thing about going to counseling was the fear that I was weak or I was the ONLY person to ever go through something like this. However, it was important for me to find out that I was not alone. It is important to realize that we aren’t alone because then we are able to see that others have gone through similar things and have made it out the other end!

Sometimes I honestly sit here all night wondering if am I the only person that is going through this. It is probably the toughest feeling this idea of being ‘alone’. As humans we are drawn to companionship – someone to talk to, to hang out with and someone to help us along the road. Sadly, this depression and insomnia has made it difficult as of late. Hopefully as time goes on and as I finally deal with the issues in my life that this will go away in time too.

If you take one thing away from reading is this… you are not alone, you are never alone!

Christian struggled through and recovered from depression. He likes to write so others can hear his story and know there is hope. His goal is that through sharing, people will be able to see their story within his own.


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