Community Stories

Kelsi: Free from Alcoholism


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Stereotypically, when you think of alcoholics, you think of homeless people on the streets drinking out of a brown paper bag. Alcoholics lose their jobs, families and friends because nothing is more important to them than getting their next drink.

The lives of loved ones are quickly shattered because there is little hope they will ever have that person back again. Sometimes these people end up in jail or worse killing someone in a drunk driving accident.

These people are thought of as criminals, losers, nobody’s. Eight short months ago, this was my life.

After a decade of struggling with an eating disorder, I quickly found that alcohol did a much better job of numbing my pain and anxieties than starving did.

After losing jobs, trust, money, friends and family, I landed myself in jail after a drunk driving incident…

Growing up, I was the world’s biggest goodie-two-shoes. As a people pleaser, my biggest fear was doing anything that might upset the people around me. In high school, I thought the kids who partied and drank on the weekends were scum and didn’t want anything to do with them. Up until my 21st birthday I never allowed even a sip of alcohol past my lips and even after becoming legal, I very rarely drank.

Things went downhill almost overnight in 2010 after hitting my lowest weight, ending a long term relationship and beginning a new job at a winery. Alcohol became a reward for me after a 14 hour day at work and it was always available at work, any time of the day. After a few months of drinking regularly, I also learned that if I drank enough, I could eat without feeling full and my eating disorder was silenced.

My life turned into an endless cycle of starving all day long, drinking at night until I was numb, making dinner for myself, which turned into a full binge, passing out drunk, and waking up usually still drunk to purge.

Or I would drink so much that it made me sick and I would have no choice but to throw up.

These behaviors continued for almost a year before anybody was brave enough to say anything to me. I had lost my job at the winery, only to start work at a different winery across town and became that person who would do anything to get my fix.

Stealing alcohol from work and from stores became a regular, almost daily thing. Driving while drunk was sadly just as common. There would be nights I would drive to the store to get more booze and not remember it the next morning. I knew I had hit a low point when I had sex when I guy I barely knew and couldn’t remember any of it.

On February 16, 2012, I got in my car after drinking all day long and ended up getting lost.

It was a snowy night and I slammed on my breaks, causing my car to spin around, go across the other lane and into the ditch. Not realizing how badly stuck my car was, I put on my flashing lights for the next car to come help set me free, not knowing just how drunk I was.

Before I knew it, cops were at the scene of the accident and I was being handcuffed and on my way to jail. My breathalyzer test results were .24; also known as super drunk and I had an open bottle of wine in my car. I don’t remember any of that night.

Two months later, I had reached a dangerously low weight and the amount of guilt and shame I was feeling about the DUI only led me to drink more.

After failing one of my daily breathalyzer tests, I was thrown back in jail.

Before being taken away, I was allowed five minutes to say goodbye to my dad. My court hearing wasn’t for another two weeks, which meant I would have to spend that time in jail. I told my dad I was going to starve myself, not make it to the hearing and said my final goodbye. This was my rock bottom.

Five hours later, by the grace of God, my dad convinced my probation office to let me out of jail and instead immediately enter a treatment facility.

I am not a stereotypical drunk; I am a college graduate and have everything I could ever dream of in life. It just goes to show that addiction can happen to anyone, at anytime in our lives.

Today I can proudly say I am living a completely sober life. Addiction just might be the most frightening and at times, hopeless thing there is, but I am living proof that recovery is possible.

Kelsi

After Kelsi recovered from an eating disorder, she realized addiction is her core issue. Recovering from one disorder does not necessarily mean you are healed from another. Full recovery no matter what it might be takes time. As an addiction writer, Kelsi hopes to bring awareness to this taboo issue as it is often embarrassing for her and society to talk about. Join Kelsi on her recovery journey as she de-stigmatizes the shame involved in addiction.

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